Funny Christmas cards for adults joke about adult problems. Kids get Santa and reindeer. You get surviving a long weekend with your in-laws, the office party you're still apologizing for, and the gift exchange with a $20 limit that somebody ignored.
Here are 25 lines to write, sorted by who's getting the card, then a video card where your friends' real faces do the singing.
25 adult Christmas card lines
For your friends
- I'm coming to your party for the cheese board and the gossip, in that order.
- May your stockings be full and your group chat stay out of the family chat.
- To the friend who held my hair at the last party and never brought it up: thank you. This card doesn't count.
- My wish list is a nap, a quiet house and for my cousin to stop selling leggings.
- You're on the nice list. I lied to Santa for you, and he believed me.
For the couple who hosts
- Thanks for hosting. We'll bring the wine and leave with your leftovers.
- Merry Christmas to the only people brave enough to put both families in one room.
- Happy holidays. We'll arrive late and stay too long, as is tradition.
About the in-laws
- Four days at my in-laws'. The guest bed is a futon they bought in college.
- My mother-in-law is visiting, so this card was written from the car in the driveway.
- Merry Christmas from the side of the family that brings store-bought pie and isn't sorry.
For coworkers who can take it
- What happens at the office party stays in the office group chat. Forever. With photos.
- Let's never discuss the karaoke.
- Merry Christmas to my work spouse. Our real spouses have questions.
- Here's to another year of "per my last email."
The morning after
- I'm not hungover. I'm festive at a lower volume.
- Happy holidays from the couch, where I'll be until New Year's.
- The eggnog was a mistake. I would make it again.
For your partner
- You're the only gift I'd never return. I checked the receipt anyway.
- I'd apologize for the duet, but you picked the song.
- Your present is in the bedroom. It's a new duvet. Get your mind out of the gutter.
For anyone with a sense of humor
- Our tree is up, our lights are tangled, and the cat has claimed the bottom third of both.
- Ho ho ho. That's all you get. I used the rest of my energy finding the end of the tape.
- The cheese ball I'm bringing is from a gas station. Act surprised.
- If anyone asks, I was at your place the whole time. Merry Christmas.
The rule is one joke and one sincere line. Lead with the cheeky part, sign off with something nice, and you'll still get invited to Easter. Our funny Christmas card ideas post has more lines for family and kids.
The video version: your friends' faces in a Christmas music video
A line in a card is good. We think the same line is better on top of a music video starring your actual friends, though we make these, so we're biased. On Tangy Limes, you upload a photo, the faces are found and cut out, and they go on dancers who sing an original Christmas song, mouths moving with the words. They're real photo cutouts with no AI changes, so that's really your coworker in a light-up sweater.
Cards that suit an adult crowd:
- Ugly Sweater Party fits three: a tacky office party with tinsel and a disco ball, a living room with a toy train, a rooftop with an inflatable Santa, and a can-can kick line. It's the office party without anyone from HR.
- Holiday Boy Band fits four in matching all-white outfits with fake snow and lasers. For the friends who still know every word to a boy band song and won't admit it.
- Merry Christmas fits one or two in a vertical phone video, so it fills the screen in a text thread. Living room, snowy street, a kitchen with a gingerbread house, then the fireplace.
- Hungover is for the morning after the party: a trashed living room, coffee at arm's length, a couch buried in pizza boxes. Rewrite the headline to MERRY HANGOVER and send it the morning after.
- Thanks for Nothing is an anti-card for the friend who skipped the gift exchange.
Every card's big headline can be rewritten, so any line above goes on top. Try Ugly Sweater Party first, or browse all the Christmas cards.
Sending it
The preview with your faces is free. Keeping a card is $1.99, with no subscription, and there's nothing to cancel in January. Download the MP4, or make a share link that plays right in the group chat. Nobody has to install an app or sign in to watch.
Send the cheeky version to your friends and a nicer one to your aunt. You know which aunt.