Want a funny card for the crypto bro in your life? Send him Crypto Bro, a music video card on Tangy Limes where his real face, cut out of a photo, sings an original song in a fleece vest and mirrored sunglasses. You upload the photo, type his name, and the preview is free.
If he went the NFT route instead, there's Rug Pulled, which is the same idea with a monkey t-shirt and a missing rug. Both are anti-cards, so nobody needs a birthday. He just needs to have said "few understand" at least once near you.
What's in Crypto Bro
The headline reads CRYPTO BRO, YOU'RE SO UNCOOL. It runs about 40 seconds, and his mouth moves to the words, so he'll be singing it about himself. Four scenes:
The Lambo. A rented Lamborghini parked outside a strip mall. Fleece vest over a button-down, mirrored sunglasses, smug pointing and finger guns aimed at the moon.
The apartment. A wall of glowing monitors and a headset. Frantic fist pumping, then he grabs his head in panic. That's one trading day, roughly.
The conference room. Folding chairs, a lanyard, and a pitch nobody asked for. He claps for himself at the end, because somebody has to.
The parking lot. Night, rain, soaked through, holding a laptop that shows a crashing line chart. He shrugs and keeps going. There's a rocket ship and a pile of shiny gold coins on a desk somewhere in this card too, for morale.
Rug Pulled, for the NFT guy
Rug Pulled has the headline YOU GOT RUG PULLED and takes one face or two. I'd put him in it alone first. Save the second dancer for his friend who got him into it.
It opens in a fancy gallery where every screen on the wall glows and shows nothing, which is accurate. He's in a velvet blazer and a monkey t-shirt, pointing at it proudly. Then a penthouse, a shiny metallic jacket, a phone held up to show you something, a shoulder shimmy.
Then the floor where the rug used to be. He wobbles, flails and slips. After that it's a rainy street at night, a shrug and a laugh, and a framed picture of a monkey in sunglasses next to a rolled-up rug on the hardwood. You can draw your own conclusions about where the rug went.
What to write on it
You can type over the headline. Short and specific beats long, so name the thing he actually said.
- WAGMI, KEVIN
- STILL HODLING, STILL BROKE
- TELL ME ABOUT THE WHITEPAPER AGAIN
- YOU SAID IT WAS THE BOTTOM
- THE MONKEY WAS NOT AN INVESTMENT
And a line for the text you send with it:
- Not financial advice. Just a card.
- Saw this and thought of your portfolio.
- Happy halving, or whatever it is.
- I'm sending this to the group so we can all support you.
For the photo, use one where he looks sure of himself. The cutout is his real face with nothing redrawn by AI, so the confidence comes through exactly as it was before the chart. If the cutout clips his hair, paint it back. If you think his head should be bigger, that can be arranged, and he'd want that.
Make it and send it
Pick the card, upload the photo, type his name, press play. For Rug Pulled, add a second face if you want two of them losing everything together, and choose who dances where.
Make a share link and drop it in the group chat. It opens a plain web page that plays the video, so he doesn't install or sign in to anything, which will be new for him. Or download the MP4 and text it.
The preview costs nothing. Keeping it is one $1.99 payment, no subscription, no wallet to connect. It's the only purchase in this story that holds its value.