Birthday
- Happy birthday! You don't look a day over whatever age you're telling people.
- Another year older and you still haven't paid me back. Happy birthday anyway.
- I got you the gift of not mentioning your actual age. You're welcome.
- Happy birthday to someone who's aging like a fine wine. Mostly in the dark, on its side.
- Today is about you. Tomorrow it goes back to being about me.
- Statistically, people with the most birthdays live the longest. Keep it up.
- I'd tell you to act your age, but I don't want you to start now.
- Happy birthday! The candles cost more than the cake this year.
- You're not old. You're just vintage with a few extra updates.
- Have a great birthday. Eat the cake. Nobody's counting, except the candles.
Christmas
- Merry Christmas from all of us, including the dog who ate the last batch of cookies.
- We can't be there, so here's our faces doing something we'd never do in public. Merry Christmas!
- Wishing you a Christmas with more cookies than calories, which is mathematically impossible.
- Merry Christmas! We were going to send a nice photo, but nobody blinked at the same time.
- May your tree stay up, your lights all work and your relatives leave on schedule.
- Santa says you were mostly good. We told him not to look too closely.
- Merry Christmas! This card cost less than the stamp would have, and it sings.
- Here's to the ugly sweaters, the burnt rolls and the people who make it worth it.
- Wishing you peace, joy and a fully charged phone on Christmas morning.
- Merry Christmas to our favorite people. The rest of you, also fine.
Anniversary
- Happy anniversary to the only person who knows how I take my coffee and still stays.
- Another year of you pretending my jokes are funny. I love you for it.
- Happy anniversary! Still the best decision I made that didn't involve snacks.
- We said for better or worse. Thanks for mostly sticking to better.
- Happy anniversary to my favorite person to do absolutely nothing with.
- I'd marry you all over again. Same date though, I'm bad at remembering new ones.
- Here's to us: still laughing, still arguing about the thermostat.
- Happy anniversary. You're my person, my plus-one and my emergency contact.
Thanksgiving
- Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for you, and for elastic waistbands.
- Wishing you a Thanksgiving with more pie than politics.
- Thankful for family, friends and whoever brought the good stuffing.
- Happy Thanksgiving! Save me a plate. Save me two.
- Gobble till you wobble, then nap like nobody's watching.
- We're thankful for you every day, but today we say it with gravy.
- Happy Turkey Day. The bird had a rough year; you don't have to.
Hanukkah
- Happy Hanukkah! May your latkes be crispy and your dreidel land on gimel.
- Eight nights, eight chances to eat more latkes than last year. Happy Hanukkah!
- Wishing you a Hanukkah full of light, love and applesauce (or sour cream, we don't judge).
- Happy Hanukkah from our family to yours. The menorah's lit and so are the kids.
- May your candles burn bright and your sufganiyot stay filled.
- Happy Hanukkah! We'd spin a dreidel with you if we were there. We'd also win.
Valentine's Day
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd share my fries with exactly one person: you.
- Happy Valentine's Day to the person I'd still pick even when you're hungry.
- You're the cheese to my pizza and the remote I can never find.
- I love you more than coffee. Please don't make me prove it.
- Happy Valentine's Day! You make my heart race, and so do the stairs, but you more.
- Out of everyone in the world, I'm glad I get to annoy you.
Get well
- Get well soon. The couch misses you less than we do.
- Sorry you're under the weather. We sent this card instead of germs.
- Rest up, drink fluids and milk this for all the sympathy it's worth.
- Hope you're feeling better soon. Nobody's as fun to complain with as you.
- Get well soon! Doctor's orders: more naps, more soup, more this card.
Congratulations
- Congratulations! We always knew you'd do it. We just didn't say it out loud.
- You did the thing! Time to celebrate, then never stop bringing it up.
- Congrats on the new job. Remember us when you're rich and slightly annoying.
- So proud of you. Also a little jealous. Mostly proud.
- Congratulations! Hard work pays off. So does luck, but let's say hard work.
Family far away
- We can't hug you from here, so here are our faces singing badly instead.
- Miles apart, but you're still the first one we call when something funny happens.
- Sending love across the time zones. We'll call when we're both awake.
- The kids grew another inch. You'll see it in person soon. Until then, here's this.
- Distance means nothing when the Wi-Fi is good. Missing you lots.
Want the line sung instead of written? Pick a singing video card and put your own faces on the dancers. $1.99, no subscription.