If you need a funny birthday card message, pick one below and change one word to make it theirs. There are 48, sorted by who they're for, from Mom to the dog. The rule that makes a birthday joke land: tease something true and small (the thermostat, the group chat, the fitted sheet), never their weight or their ex.
Every line also works as the headline on a Tangy Limes card, where their real face, cut from a photo, sings an original birthday song. The preview is free and a card is $1.99. The same 48 lines are in a public spreadsheet if you'd rather sort them by who they're for.
For Mom
- Happy birthday to the woman who still asks if I've eaten. I have. Mostly cereal.
- You raised me, and look how that turned out. Happy birthday anyway.
- Happy birthday. Thank you for every ride, every lunch and every time you pretended my drawings were good.
- Another year of being right about everything. Happy birthday, Mom.
For Dad
- Happy birthday, Dad. I'd tell you a dad joke, but you've already told it twice this week.
- Happy birthday to the man who owns six flashlights and can't find one.
- You taught me to drive, to fix a tire and to never pay full price. Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday. The thermostat is set to 68. I didn't touch it. Promise.
- Happy birthday, Dad. You're not old, you're vintage. Vintage cars also make noises when they get up.
For your best friend
- Happy birthday to the only person who knows enough to ruin me and chooses not to.
- Another year of you answering my texts at 2 a.m. Happy birthday. Sorry about the texts.
- Happy birthday. I'd take a bullet for you. A small one. In the arm.
- You're the friend I'd call to help move a couch. And other things. Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday to my emergency contact. Please keep answering.
For a sister or brother
- Happy birthday to the person who stole my clothes for fifteen years. Keep the sweater.
- We fought over the front seat for a decade. You can have it today. Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday to the reason Mom has gray hair. I'm the reason she has the rest.
- Happy birthday. I still haven't forgiven you for the thing in 2009. Cake helps.
For your partner
- Happy birthday to my favorite person to sit next to and say nothing.
- Happy birthday. You still can't load a dishwasher, and I'd still marry you.
- Happy birthday to the smartest person in this house, including the dog.
- Happy birthday. I'm buying dinner and I'm not checking the price. Today only.
- Happy birthday to the person who eats the food off my plate and somehow makes it cute.
- Happy birthday. You pick the restaurant. I already know it's the usual one.
For a coworker or the boss
- Happy birthday. Take a long lunch. I'll tell them you're in a meeting.
- Happy birthday to the only person who replies to all of my emails. Even the bad ones.
- Happy birthday from the whole team. We signed this one so you can't tell who forgot.
- Happy birthday. This message is not a request for a raise. That one comes next week.
- Happy birthday to someone who makes Mondays less bad. Not good. Less bad.
For grandparents
- Happy birthday, Grandma. Your cooking is still better than mine and I've stopped trying.
- Happy birthday, Grandpa. Tell me the fishing story again. I'll act surprised.
For kids and teens
- Happy birthday! You're another year taller and still can't reach the cookies on the top shelf.
- Happy birthday. I won't post a baby photo. I'll post a video instead.
For the dog or cat
- Happy birthday to the best boy, who has never once judged me.
- Happy birthday. Yes, the whole cake is for you. No, it isn't.
- Happy birthday to the landlord who lets me live here.
For 30, 40, 50 and 60
- Welcome to 30. Your back will now comment on every decision you make.
- Happy 40th. You're officially old enough to say 'back in my day' and mean it.
- Happy 50th. Half a century, and you still can't fold a fitted sheet.
- Happy 60th. You've earned the senior discount. Use it loudly.
When you forgot
- Happy birthday. It was last week. I was busy forgetting.
- I'm late, but this card has you dancing, so we're even.
For anyone
- Happy birthday. We were bad at dating and great at this.
- Happy birthday. Everyone in this chat agrees you're the best. Nobody checked with Dave.
- Happy birthday. Cake first, feelings later.
- Another year, and you still haven't done anything embarrassing on camera. Until this card.
- Happy birthday. Make a wish. Not that one. A reasonable one.
- Happy birthday. I wrote a song about you. Well, a card did.
Making the message the headline
On a Tangy Limes card, the big headline says HAPPY BIRTHDAY until you change it. Type any line above instead, keep it under about 30 characters so it fits the plaque, and put the longer line in the email or text you send with the share link. For more, see birthday roast jokes and what to write in a dog's birthday card.